Ahead.

So girl, what the hell. 

Put on that red lipstick, 

play that music, 

do a little dance, 

hold that wine glass steady, 

and 

walk right back into the scene...

There is going to be a tomorrow, 

There would be love,

There would be friends who care,

And none of that nonsensical fare.

Stride right in, love.

You're strong, 

there are other battles you won,

There is love ahead,

Go ahead, make that next mistake.

For it makes you, you.

Lovely, mysterious and honest.

Show that heart out.

Let the wolves eat it.

But you would grow it back.

Like you always have.

Silence now. Go! Now.

Until the End?

There was never a better time, to walk away from this dirt. 

But I am holding on. 

For what, I wish I knew.

When his madness seems justified, why not mine. 

When his fear is justified, why not mine. 

When his adventures are justified, why defy mine.

When love gets captured in a cage,

Is the urge to flap the wings and crave for freedom justified?

When my freedom has to be curbed, my freedom to live my life,

What should I do other than walk away?

How many more times do I walk away? 

How many times will I return?

My patience is running out,

So is my love, my beloved,

For you, I have given up,

A life that I dreamt to have,

My freedom, and soon, I would,

Give up my breath and life too! 

Train journeys and long winding tracks

It was on the pretext of meeting my parents that I started a two hour journey, on my own. After marriage, I really never travelled alone, apart for work. This time, I wanted it. Alone.

Umpteen number of tea vendors passed by, eyeing every passenger. What held me back from calling out to one, savoring the sweet strong taste of tea, I still don't know. I panicked everytime a vendor passed by. And I kept telling myself - you will reach soon, and your reluctance is one you will regret. But no. I didn't. Till...

A stack of books, all my favorite authors. The seller had long hands, because the stacked books reminded me of the old librarian in the public library - like his hands were made for carrying huge stacks of books. Anyways, this seller plonked the stack next to me. Most of the seats were empty, and I really got a window seat with two empty seats next to me. I eyed the books curiously, and my eyes landed on his face. Tired, is that an emotion? I choose to keep it that way, because he was tired and his face, his eyes screamed 'tired'. I took a book out of the pile, and took my wallet out to pay him, not a word exchanged between us. And just then, the tea vendor came again.

This time, I didn't let him go...I needed the tea. I needed the book. I needed this journey. Alone. One tea after another, one banana fry after another, one page after another, one station after another...my need was satiated. It was not nirvana that I was seeking, all I needed was a moment to myself, loving myself, that one moment, I had.

The need ended. Atleast, for now.