Name

I wish I could put a name to what I feel.

It is love, but not the one that needs you by flesh.

It is need, but not the one that clings and is chaotic.

It is peace, that feeling you bring to me every time.

It is madness, the twinkle in your eyes, and that smile.

It is friendship, beyond ages, that could describe. 

It is laughter, that surrounds me all the time.

It is warmth, like a blanket that I could shroud myself in.

It is hope, that I could long and look forward to.

I wish I could put a name to what I feel. 

And call you only by that name in the lives to come.

Until the End?

There was never a better time, to walk away from this dirt. 

But I am holding on. 

For what, I wish I knew.

When his madness seems justified, why not mine. 

When his fear is justified, why not mine. 

When his adventures are justified, why defy mine.

When love gets captured in a cage,

Is the urge to flap the wings and crave for freedom justified?

When my freedom has to be curbed, my freedom to live my life,

What should I do other than walk away?

How many more times do I walk away? 

How many times will I return?

My patience is running out,

So is my love, my beloved,

For you, I have given up,

A life that I dreamt to have,

My freedom, and soon, I would,

Give up my breath and life too! 

what i felt from last night...

Sleeping is in the high priority list these days. And finally when I hit the bed, I feel, this is what I wanted to do my entire life. Last night was no great exception. I was trying hard to listen to him talking, but my eyes gave away…I was dazed into a world that snored away to glory. Then I dreamt of sweetened thick sugar syrup flowing…I was in the low-ceiling-ed room of his house that he described to me, He came to me and asked me to take bath before his amma came…what was the sugar syrup for then?

I woke up to find him cosied to himself, that sweet slumber and peaceful face. The newly trimmed short hair that fell on his forehead and the soft snore escaped through his nostrils. I got up, went up to the loo…switched on the light, wondering what the time was. My newly grown left finger nails that had a silver polish glistened as I turned the tap on. 

Coming out, I checked the time in my mobile…5:30. Wondered whether I should go back to the room, that cold, some-smell filled room of mine. But I didn’t feel like leaving him then. I snuggled back into his arms. He mumbled something to me. I kissed him on his eyes, on his lips and softly told him that I loved him…

I kept waking up, at 6, 6:05…he pulled me back, put his hands and leg around me and said, “Don’t go now…” I smiled and lay back again. The sweet sugary syrup didn’t flow, but I saw myself walking down a lane, shaded with yellow leaved trees. I went walking, and then the alarm went off again. 

I walked back to my hostel, my head was swinging slightly. I lie in my bed for a minute, I knew I was getting late for my office , but I just wanted to sleep again.